Ax-ing halloween
by snake screamer
Summary: Rated t for language.


"Where are they!?" Cyril said as he enter the cafeteria where Mallory and Lana were.

"They who?" Mallory said

"You know who, Ray, Cheryl, Pam, Krieger and your idiot son!" Cyril snapped "Today a work day and I want to know where they are!"

"Evans city, Pennsylvania." Lana said reading a magazine.

Cyril blinked, confused. "Why the hell would they go there?"

"Cyril... it's october." Mallory sighed

"What does that have to do with it?" Cyril questioned.

"Evans city or more specifically The Evans City Cemetery and its borough became popularly known as the place where the 1968 horror film Night of the Living Dead was filmed." Lana said

"They even have a museum there dedicated to the film." Mallory stated

"What the- how do you of all people know that!" Cyril snapped

"Cause Ron apparently was a huge fan of the first film, you wanna be bore to death, just listen to his ramblings about how the remake ruined the franchise." Mallory said

"Why are they even there!?" Cyril said

"Archer, Pam and Cheryl went cause Cheryl convince they used real zombies and they bet her two hundred bucks that what she said was a bunch of insane rambling." Lana said flipping a page.

"Well that seems kinda cheap..."

"Nonono. That in case they win, If Cheryl wins she gets to burn there offices." Lana said

"Oh for the love of-"

"Ray as a mediator, not wanting cheryl to burn any of the site and getting alot of romero fans trying to kill us since we have enough enemies as it, without adding geeks to the itinerary." Lana muttered

"... What about Krieger?" Cyril questioned

"He honestly did not know the living dead was shot there and went there to see the site of 'The Crazies'"

"The what?"

"I don't know, apparently it was this underappreciated film of Romero that got a remake." Lana said

"But we have a case today!" Cyril snapped "They couldn't act like jackasses some other time... and Lana why did you let Archer go there."

"He say Cheryl was paying for everything and that bringing our infant daughter to see horror movies site would be a dumb idea." Lana said

"Then why didn't you order him to stay!

"He said paid for anything, they manage to trick her into paying for me and my daughter food for the next 2 week!" Lana grinned "I don't have to go yet still enjoy the benefits."

"And your okay with this!" Cyril stated looking at Mallory

"Honestly yes, this count as there vacation which means I don't have to pay them or there trip." Mallory said "Granted i have to hear ron whine and m*** they didn't bring him along but since i'm free of most of the idiots I count that as a technical win."

"Damn it, fine its fine, we'll just do it ourselves, what the worst that can happen." Cyril muttered

* * *

"Nope!" Mallory said

"Mallory be professional." Lana said

"Spying on a frat party, pssh please! its not even the rich frat house but a cheap-ass poor one." Mallory muttered "At least with the cuckoldry couple they were rich enough to make me overlook the lameness on what were doing now."

"Didn't Cyril say were doing this cause they suspect that a serial killer kill people that were last seen in frat party and expect them to be in this frat house next."

"Bah, unless its Freddy Krueger, this mission is below my usual pay grade." Mallory muttered

"You mean Jason Vorhees." Lana said

"What?"

"Jason Vorhees, the guy were hunting uses an axe according to body wound. Freddy uses those claws thing as his signature killer weapon." Lana said

"Ugh, you sound like Sterling. Mother you got your reference wrong, wah." Mallory rolled her eyes.

"Yeah well if you didn't want to hear that, you could've gone inside like Cyril did." Lana, also rolling her eyes

"Oh please, like i want to be goggled at by a bunch of drunk ass frat boy." Mallory grumbled. There was silence for a moment as Mallory polish her gun and Lana watch the party using a microscope

The silence was broken by Lana "Well looks like cyril having less of a fun evening."

"Why? is one of the drunk harlot complaining he got length but no skill?" Mallory said

"No, it appears he being dragged by a masculant woman with a look of utter terror." Lana said

"I don't see what he's complaining about, he slept with Pam, and i'm almost certain she has a dick" Mallory stated

"... Wait what?" Lana questioned as Cyril jumped out the window with the woman following him. (her costume being Lizzie Borden) before pulling out her axe

"You heard me, I think Pam has a dick." Mallory said ignoring Cyril cries for help as the woman nearly cut his head off

"As much as I don't want to admit it, I slept with Pam too. And I'm positive she doesn't have a dick." Lana said as Cyril pulled out a gun (He stole it from the weaponry desk) and fired it at his attacker. He missed at point blank range. The woman gave a annoyed look which gave Cyril time to flee. "Do you hear gun firing."

"Don't change the subject. I know you chose Pam as a god-parent but I vaguely remember that night, not all of it, but enough to know what I'm talking about. Granted I had a strange taste of rubber in my mouth but-" She stopped as they seen Cyril running past them screaming like a little girl they turn to see the Lizzie borden girl with a axe screaming in bloodlust. Both Lana and Mallory just calmly pulled there gun and shot her in the kneecaps.

"So... bad night?" Mallory said to a scared Cyril

(Linebreak)

"So how was your trip?" Mallory asked

"Surprisingly decent, we saw good sites and get to knock Carol out before she starts any fires." Archer said with a shrug.

"Question though. Why is Cyril glaring at us in a fetal position?" Ray said

"He's mad cause we got distracted due to Mallory bringing something weird up and it nearly got him killed by a old-timey axe murderer. the university also refusing to pay us as while we did catch the aforementioned serial killer, Cyril randoms shots somehow hit a 100 year old bust destroying it. The only reason he's not sueing us is that we dealt with his axe murderer but were not getting paid and were banned from that place." Lana sighed

"Yeesh no wonder he's mad." Pam whistled "What got you two so distracted that it prevented you from noticing an axe murderer."

"... Lets just say it was a memory issue and end it at that."

 _For those of you who don't know Lizzie was famous for hacking her step)mother was nineteen times and her father eleven. theres even a schoolyard rhyme about it._


End file.
